mark
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Post by mark on Nov 16, 2012 19:35:38 GMT
Ok I will start off on the diary's. Had a reasonable week, the anxiety attacks I have had i've managed to stop them getting to out of control, and its came in helpful today when at a shop the shopkeeper was very stroppy, I manage to walk away and get my head back together by the time i got home. Managed to get out a few times this week. Had a good long walk with a friend with no attacks, altho was a bit shakey. Went for a meal with the wife again was shakey but nothing got out of hand. Doctor has changed all my meds once again. now im on Lorazepam 1mg tablets 3 times a day, Nitrazepam 5mg 2 a night. I'm putting all the shaking down to withdrawal to the zopiclone, which has been stop suddenly as doctor will not give them to me any more. My sleeping is still very bad the Nitrazepam dont seem to touch me, and the dreams are back. I will bring up the dreams on monday when I have my one on one session. Will try to keep this diary up to date once a week. Edit: I have started to get myself some sort of routine going, have down loaded a program to help with this. For any one intrested in organising you might find this program helpful. www.avisoft.co.uk/Organizer/Organizer.htm#Top |
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mark
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Post by mark on Dec 12, 2012 14:11:58 GMT
OK I've Not kept up the diary like i Said i would. A lot has happened Since my last post.
1st my therapy has been going very well, been working on the feelings that i feel when an attack Starts, learning How to spot the signs and how to Cope with them. its been hard to work on the feelings but as time Went by i Stated to Cope.
my therapist has been Great at helping me to focus On Just one part at a time instead of letting everything over whelm me.
Next Monday will be my last session with her, I will really miss her, she has Given me a good insite a bout me as a Person and will miss the chats.
am still going to the Groups every thusdays, am Getting a lot out of the Group the people that attend are wonderful people and Its Good to Sit down and chat about the effect "Benzo"s has on each of us, and the Encouragement you Get from one another.
Today I went to the PTSD Clinic and Spoke to one of the Dr's there. the Good News is they are willing to take Me In, but the waiting list is one year: it will be done in two Sections, 1st is a Group section about like what we do, in the mind group Except it will be all about the dream side of things. 2nd Section will be an 8 tiered One on one. It's Some thing to do with moving the Memorys from one part of the brain to another part of the brain, was told that it will bring back all the memories and it will Hurt.
He did Say that it's a DEF cure. But I'm Sceptical as i do not like the wording DEF cure. But time will tell.
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mark
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Post by mark on Feb 9, 2013 9:25:46 GMT
Well its been a while again since my last post in my diary. but have had a lot to do and not a lot of time to work on the forum.
I've started to look for work, its a bit scarey as I haven't worked for 3 years now and the last time I did work I was in full panic mode. I've done a lot of work groups with the ESA people, like how to cope with health problems while working, Working on Disclosure i.e when and how to tell the new employer about my mental illness (PTSD).
I did my very 1st CV - quite proud of how it has turned out - and am in the process of writing to lots of people in the caring community as I will be doing a career change.
A while ago (about a year) I was part of a group course called "On Track". The main goal was, or is, to give the group the ability to find ways to deal with our problems. It never claimed to get rid of them, but to help with the dealing with them.
I must admit I was very skeptical as this was my 1st group work but as the sessions went on I was getting more and more benefits from it, although at the time I did not realise. Anyway, the long and short of it was, I came away with great ways to help deal with my panic attacks and had tools to help me to start to get my life back on track.
This group was the 1st of its kind and was very much in the experimental stages, which I did know before I went, but I'm a great believer that you normally get more out of people that are learning than some of the old hands, as they tend to really try more and tend to put every thing they have into it. On this occasion I was correct. They worked with us and and you could see that they where giving you everything they had. They was clearly passionate about the group and very much in touch with what they was doing.
At the end of the course we was ask if to fill out a form. There was a box that I ticked saying I would be wiling to give my views on the groups if needed.
Well I got a phone call from them asking if I would go and talk about my experience to the people they was training with, and I agreed to do so. So yesterday (8/2/2013) I went to this talk/lecture - call it what you will. Before I went I had all sorts of Ideas about what would be talked about, who would be there etc, but I wasn't ready for what I saw when I got there....
The two young ladies that ran the group Erin and Jo gave a presentation of how the group was ran, this I was already familiar with. But it quickly came clear how much work they had put into setting this group up, and how much they was thinking on their feet at the group. Now I must say that, to me, the group was my saving grace. Those two young ladies had given me a life line to be able to get myself back into society and to start really living again. Don't get me wrong, this group was not a cure. It was the tools they gave us to pull ourselves out of our holes and to go out and get our lives back in order.
As the talk went on and the other people in the room ( around 30 or so - did not count ) was engaged with questions and possibilities on how things could be done to improve things in the group, I was struck with a overwhelming feeling of 'hang on, the people in this room are sitting there giving themselves over to help people like me'. They all interacted with each other to find solutions to help us. You could see that they really cared about this area and they was all working to not only help people like me, but to also take away the stigma of mental illness.
It was a pleasure to see it from the other side. The hard work these people do, the belief they have in what they do, and how much of a commitment they have in making people like me, and others like me, to get our lives On Track.
A Special thanks to the two young ladies Erin and Jo for the hard work, dedication, and time they gave us at the group. Without these two young ladies I would not be where I am today. I have nothing but my thanks and gratitude to give them, but some how that doesn't seem enough.
So from the bottom of my heart I would like to thank every one in that room for the hard work and the belief they have in us. I wish all those that follow in Erin and Jo's foot steps all the best.
For every other person that's in the same position I was in all I can say is if you have the chance to do any group work or one on one work to take it from me, the pain and hardship you go though during the session will, if you let it, bring you back to a safe place. One thing to remember is that even though the sessions have stopped, it does not mean its over. You will have been given the tools and its now up to you to keep using them.
Anyway enough of my ramblings. I got some great contacts from going to the talk yesterday and, hopefully, I will get some great information to put on this forum. I am hoping we can build up a good data base of other groups that are around, not just in London but all over the country.
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mark
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Post by mark on Feb 19, 2013 14:44:13 GMT
During my recovery process I have been using art as a means to express my self, seeing as I find it hard to write down, so have done it in picture form. If you wish to take a look I have set up a online gallery at shadowness.com/bromber |
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mark
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Post by mark on Mar 31, 2013 4:14:38 GMT
Once again I've taken a long time to add to my diary  . Any way just wanted to add some thing i've been thinking about lately. It came about when one of the counselors left the group I attend. WHAT IS RECOVERY: Recovery is a road, one that looks like there is no end too it. We are told by many people before we set off that its one step at a time and in most cases although true it is normally the only info we are given. We feel lonely, scared, knees trembling our feet dont want to move. What I have found on my journey is there is more to it then just the one step at a time, dont get me wrong it does all start with this 1st step then the 2nd step and so on. This is daunting until you realise that this journey is not a lonely one, there are lots of people on this road, people who will walk with you, talk to you, hold your hand and steady you. What we have to remember is that these people that walk along side you and stop you from just stopping and sitting at the side of the road have there own road to follow and some times there path will branch off from yours, this is the time we all normally just stop sit down and wonder where the hell did they go, what am I to do next. We all know the answer and thats to keep walking, its hard I know, but if we just look ahead and not back you will see up ahead others waiting for you to catch up so that they can join you, all you have to do is to keep walking till you reach them. Also we have to put our judgmental side away and walk with who every is waiting for us. Now no one person we meet will have the answers, but what we do is to take from them what works for us, like they say there is more then one way to skin a rabbit we just need to find what works for us,and by walking with all these different people we can build tools that work for us, we take these tools and mix and match till we find the tool that works best. And we are only going to make these tools from the people we meet, dont be scared of change, look at the change and see what you can gain from it, if we find that the person we are walking with can not offer any thing different from what you all ready know just keep walking with them till you meet the next person further up the road. Dont worry about telling the person thanks for the company im now going to walk with this new person as thats what they are there for, they will willingly walk with you till you find the right person. |
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